A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck
The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.
The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers.)
The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge
The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.
Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in his or her own country?
After much woodpecker pondering they both came to the same conclusion Apparently Tiger Woods was right when he said your pecker gets harder when you're away from home
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Alternation X Joke Of The Day
A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night
5 percent said it was to get a glass of water
12 percent said it was to go to the toilet
83 percent said it was to go home
Pamela Anderson participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. She answered "Well that depends on what's in it for me."
A man walks into a sex shop and asks for a blow up doll
"Christian or Muslim?" the sales assistant inquires
The man asks "What's the difference?"
The sales assistant says "The Muslim one blows herself up."
What's the best way to confuse a man?
Put a naked woman and a six pack with the remote control in front of him and tell him to pick one.
What's the worst thing a bride can say on her wedding night?
"I'm glad I didn't throw my vibrator away!"
5 percent said it was to get a glass of water
12 percent said it was to go to the toilet
83 percent said it was to go home
Pamela Anderson participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. She answered "Well that depends on what's in it for me."
A man walks into a sex shop and asks for a blow up doll
"Christian or Muslim?" the sales assistant inquires
The man asks "What's the difference?"
The sales assistant says "The Muslim one blows herself up."
What's the best way to confuse a man?
Put a naked woman and a six pack with the remote control in front of him and tell him to pick one.
What's the worst thing a bride can say on her wedding night?
"I'm glad I didn't throw my vibrator away!"
Alternation X DVD's Released Last Tuesday
The Informant-Matt Damon
The Box-Cameron Diaz, James Marsden
Everybody's Fine-Robert DeNiro, Drew Barrymore
Cirque De Freak-Vampire's Assistant-Chris Massoglia,John C. Reilly
Sorority Row-Briana Evigan,Rumer Willis,
The Box-Cameron Diaz, James Marsden
Everybody's Fine-Robert DeNiro, Drew Barrymore
Cirque De Freak-Vampire's Assistant-Chris Massoglia,John C. Reilly
Sorority Row-Briana Evigan,Rumer Willis,
Alternation X CDs Released This Past Tuesday
Alkaline Trio-This Addiction
Eazy E-Eazy Duz It
Gorilla Zoe-Monkey Business 2
Hot Chip One Life Stand
Johnny Cash-American VI: ain't No Grave
Rage Against The Machine-Revolution In The Head and The Art Of Protest
Snoop Dogg-West Coast Blueprint
Young Buck-From Cashville To Duval
Young Dro-RIP
Eazy E-Eazy Duz It
Gorilla Zoe-Monkey Business 2
Hot Chip One Life Stand
Johnny Cash-American VI: ain't No Grave
Rage Against The Machine-Revolution In The Head and The Art Of Protest
Snoop Dogg-West Coast Blueprint
Young Buck-From Cashville To Duval
Young Dro-RIP
Alternation X Rated Pic Of The Day
For more X-Rated Pics Daily http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Alternation_Xperience
Monday, February 22, 2010
Alternation X Joke Of The Day
The young playboy took a blind date to an amusment park. They went ofr a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored.
"What would you like to do next?" he asked
"I wanna be weighed" she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser "One twelve" said the man at the scale and he was absolutely right. Next they road the roller coaster. After that he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do.
"I wanna be weighed"
The young man thought she was weird so he used the excuse that he had a terrible headache and took the girl home.
The girls mother was surprised to see her home so early asked "What's wrong dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?"
"Wousy" said the girl
"What would you like to do next?" he asked
"I wanna be weighed" she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser "One twelve" said the man at the scale and he was absolutely right. Next they road the roller coaster. After that he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do.
"I wanna be weighed"
The young man thought she was weird so he used the excuse that he had a terrible headache and took the girl home.
The girls mother was surprised to see her home so early asked "What's wrong dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?"
"Wousy" said the girl
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Alternation X Joke Of The Day
Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom.
"Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy said. "I'm really nervous. I know I'll goof up!"
"Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is compliment her. Chicks love to be complimented. You'll have her in the palm of your hand."
About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black eye.
"Shit, man! What happened to you?!" his buddy asked.
"I took your advice."
"Didn't you compliment her?"
"Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that for such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After awhile I started feeling her tits, and I told her that for such large breasts they sure were firm. She like that too."
"It sounds like you were doing great," his friend said.
"Well," the other answered, "that's when everything went wrong. I got her dress up and her panties off, and I tried to think of another compliment."
"What did you say?"
"For such a large crack, it doesn't stink much."
"Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy said. "I'm really nervous. I know I'll goof up!"
"Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is compliment her. Chicks love to be complimented. You'll have her in the palm of your hand."
About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black eye.
"Shit, man! What happened to you?!" his buddy asked.
"I took your advice."
"Didn't you compliment her?"
"Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that for such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After awhile I started feeling her tits, and I told her that for such large breasts they sure were firm. She like that too."
"It sounds like you were doing great," his friend said.
"Well," the other answered, "that's when everything went wrong. I got her dress up and her panties off, and I tried to think of another compliment."
"What did you say?"
"For such a large crack, it doesn't stink much."
Friday, February 12, 2010
Alternation X Joke Of The Day
The hunter walked over to a tree and propped up his gun to take a wizz.
Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged ...
shooting himself in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached
by his doctor. "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news.
The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local
to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were
able to remove all of the buckshot.... ."
"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."
"Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your
sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly," answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in
the West Virginia Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach
you where to put your fingers so you don't pee in your eye."
Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged ...
shooting himself in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached
by his doctor. "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news.
The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local
to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were
able to remove all of the buckshot.... ."
"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."
"Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your
sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly," answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in
the West Virginia Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach
you where to put your fingers so you don't pee in your eye."
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Alternation X Joke Of Day
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf......
Of course, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right
through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the
course. The husband cringed,
'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up
there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your l
ousy drive is going to cost us.'
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.
A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done:
glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was
lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that
broke my window?' 'Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that,'
the husband replied. 'Oh, no apology is necessary.
Actually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie,
and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three
wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind,
I'll keep the last one for myself.'
'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and
blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'
'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it, it's the least
I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!' 'And
now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.
'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in
every country in the world,' she said.
'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always
be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?'
'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't
been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish
is to have sex with your wife.'
The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you
know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses.
What do you think?' She mulled it over for a few moments and
said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune,
I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'
'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd
do the same for you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs
where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying
each other in every way. After about three hours of non-stop
sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes
and asked, How old are you and your husband?'
'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly. ' NO SHIT ,' He said.
'Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?
Of course, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right
through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the
course. The husband cringed,
'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up
there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your l
ousy drive is going to cost us.'
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.
A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done:
glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was
lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that
broke my window?' 'Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that,'
the husband replied. 'Oh, no apology is necessary.
Actually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie,
and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three
wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind,
I'll keep the last one for myself.'
'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and
blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'
'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it, it's the least
I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!' 'And
now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.
'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in
every country in the world,' she said.
'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always
be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?'
'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't
been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish
is to have sex with your wife.'
The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you
know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses.
What do you think?' She mulled it over for a few moments and
said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune,
I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'
'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd
do the same for you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs
where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying
each other in every way. After about three hours of non-stop
sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes
and asked, How old are you and your husband?'
'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly. ' NO SHIT ,' He said.
'Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Alternation X Joke Of The Day
A guy moves into an apartment complex.
He's putting his name on his mailbox when he hears a door open in
the hall.
He glances towards the door and sees a gorgeous woman dressed only
in a bathrobe come out.
He tries not to look at her as she gets her mail, but she engages
him in conversation.
As they talk she turns to look down the hall and her robe opens
slightly and he notices she is wearing only the robe.
They talk a little more, and she says, "Shhh, I think I hear
somebody coming. Could we continue this conversation in my
apartment?"
He agrees to this.
As they talk in her apartment, she moves and her robe falls to
the floor and he gets a good eyeful.
She then says, "Now that you've had a good look, what do you think
is the best part of my body?"
He says, "Your ears."
She is downright speechless but finally replies, "My ears? Look
at these breasts, look at this butt, look at my pussy. How can
you say my ears?"
He replied, "Remember in the hall when you said you heard somebody
coming?"
"Yes,"
"That was me!"
He's putting his name on his mailbox when he hears a door open in
the hall.
He glances towards the door and sees a gorgeous woman dressed only
in a bathrobe come out.
He tries not to look at her as she gets her mail, but she engages
him in conversation.
As they talk she turns to look down the hall and her robe opens
slightly and he notices she is wearing only the robe.
They talk a little more, and she says, "Shhh, I think I hear
somebody coming. Could we continue this conversation in my
apartment?"
He agrees to this.
As they talk in her apartment, she moves and her robe falls to
the floor and he gets a good eyeful.
She then says, "Now that you've had a good look, what do you think
is the best part of my body?"
He says, "Your ears."
She is downright speechless but finally replies, "My ears? Look
at these breasts, look at this butt, look at my pussy. How can
you say my ears?"
He replied, "Remember in the hall when you said you heard somebody
coming?"
"Yes,"
"That was me!"
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