A woman is in her doctor's office and suddenly shouts "Doctor kiss me"
The doctor looks at her and says "I'm sorry but it would be against my code of ethics to kiss you"
Twenty minutes later the woman shouts again "Doctor please kiss me!"
Again he refuses, apologetically and says "As a doctor I simply cannot kiss you."
Finally after another fifteen minutes the woman pleads with the doctor again "Please Please just kiss me just once"
"Look" he says "I am sorry I just CANNOT kiss you, in fact I probably shouldn't even be fucking you."
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
New DVD's On Shelves Today
Dear John-Amanda Siegfried Channing Tatum
The Road-Viggo Mortensen
Mystery Team-Donald Glover
The Road-Viggo Mortensen
Mystery Team-Donald Glover
Monday, May 24, 2010
Signs She's Bored In Bed
Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass
Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitare
Only moans at commercial breaks
You are currently sitting backstage at the Springer show
During the act she actually yelled out Oh Baby Yadda Yadda Yadda
Holds up a picture of the Playboy Centerfold to hurry you along
Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook better
Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin
Keeps asking "Are you sure you're not gay"
Instead of asking to leave her shirt on she wants to leave her pants on too
Starts her fake orgasm during foreplay
Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitare
Only moans at commercial breaks
You are currently sitting backstage at the Springer show
During the act she actually yelled out Oh Baby Yadda Yadda Yadda
Holds up a picture of the Playboy Centerfold to hurry you along
Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook better
Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin
Keeps asking "Are you sure you're not gay"
Instead of asking to leave her shirt on she wants to leave her pants on too
Starts her fake orgasm during foreplay
Corruptor's Top New Songs To Be Listening For
1. Avenged Sevenfold-Nightmare
2. Hole-Pacific Coast Highway
3. Muse-Neutron Star Collision
4. Paramore-Careful
5. 2220s-Latest Heartbreak
6. Billy Currington-Pretty Good At Drinkin Beer
7. Patty Loveless-Drive
8. The Band Perry-If I Die Young
9. DJ Khaled-All I Do Is Win
10. Ready Set-Love Like Woe
11. David Gray-Draw The Line
12. Young Dru-Super Bad
13. Christina Aguilera-Woo Hoo
14. John Blu-In Love Wit Yo Booty
15. Kardinal Offishall-Body Bounce
2. Hole-Pacific Coast Highway
3. Muse-Neutron Star Collision
4. Paramore-Careful
5. 2220s-Latest Heartbreak
6. Billy Currington-Pretty Good At Drinkin Beer
7. Patty Loveless-Drive
8. The Band Perry-If I Die Young
9. DJ Khaled-All I Do Is Win
10. Ready Set-Love Like Woe
11. David Gray-Draw The Line
12. Young Dru-Super Bad
13. Christina Aguilera-Woo Hoo
14. John Blu-In Love Wit Yo Booty
15. Kardinal Offishall-Body Bounce
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Alternation X Joke Of The Day
A tongue-tied man goes into a nut shop, and the first thing he notices
is that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he's ever seen in
his life. The tongue-tied guy quickly turns his attention to the
merchandise, and asks: "Ess-tues me ser?"
"Yes sir," replied the clerk.
"Tould you tale me how mutsh your pisstasheos arr?"
"Pistachio's? They're six dollars a pound."
"SSit!" The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing, and then asks
Welp, how mutsh arr your aahhmons?"
"Almonds? They're seven fifty a pound."
"SSIT! tas pensive" Replied the tongue-tied man.
"Welp, how bout your pikanns?"
"Pecans? They're on sale today, they're only four fifty a pound."
"Welp, Ssit. Just div me a poulnd of dose dhen."
"Alright then," says the clerk, and begins bagging up a pound of
pecans.
Then, the tongue-tied guy says to the clerk:
"Sirr, I just wana tay tank you fo not maken phun of de way I talk,
cauz I tan't hep it."
The clerk replies with a smile. "Oh sir, you don't have to thank me
for that. I don't make fun of anybody, for any thing! I don't know if
you noticed, or not, but I have a rather large nose."
The tongue-tied guy replies, "Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz
your penis since your nutz arr so damn high!"
is that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he's ever seen in
his life. The tongue-tied guy quickly turns his attention to the
merchandise, and asks: "Ess-tues me ser?"
"Yes sir," replied the clerk.
"Tould you tale me how mutsh your pisstasheos arr?"
"Pistachio's? They're six dollars a pound."
"SSit!" The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing, and then asks
Welp, how mutsh arr your aahhmons?"
"Almonds? They're seven fifty a pound."
"SSIT! tas pensive" Replied the tongue-tied man.
"Welp, how bout your pikanns?"
"Pecans? They're on sale today, they're only four fifty a pound."
"Welp, Ssit. Just div me a poulnd of dose dhen."
"Alright then," says the clerk, and begins bagging up a pound of
pecans.
Then, the tongue-tied guy says to the clerk:
"Sirr, I just wana tay tank you fo not maken phun of de way I talk,
cauz I tan't hep it."
The clerk replies with a smile. "Oh sir, you don't have to thank me
for that. I don't make fun of anybody, for any thing! I don't know if
you noticed, or not, but I have a rather large nose."
The tongue-tied guy replies, "Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz
your penis since your nutz arr so damn high!"
CD's Out Today In Stores
Black Keys- The Big Come Up
Bo Bice-3
Broken Social Scene-Broken Social Scene
Danko Jones-Below the belt
Debi Nova-Luna Nueva
Bo Bice-3
Broken Social Scene-Broken Social Scene
Danko Jones-Below the belt
Debi Nova-Luna Nueva
DVD's Out Today
Invictus-Morgan Freeman, Matt Damon
Valentine's Day-Ashton Kutcher, Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Julia Roberts
Extraordinary Measures-Brendan Fraser Harrison Ford
Messenger-Woody Harrelson
Spy Next Door-Jackie Chan
Valentine's Day-Ashton Kutcher, Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Julia Roberts
Extraordinary Measures-Brendan Fraser Harrison Ford
Messenger-Woody Harrelson
Spy Next Door-Jackie Chan
Monday, May 17, 2010
Joke Of The Day
The Top 17 TV Shows Sponsored By Hard Liquor
17. JAGermeister
16. Everybody Loves Rehab
15. N.Y.P.D. B.Y.O.B.
14. Absolut Fabulous
13. Touched By A Hangover
12. Boston Public Lewdness
11. Little "On The House" On The Prairie
10. The Bacardi Bunch
9. Whose Lime Is It Anyway?
8. S*M*A*S*H*E*D
7. Who Wants To Be A Designated Driver
6. Suddenly Boozin
5. Raymond I Love You Man
4. That 80-Proof Show
3. Johnnie Walker,Scottish Ranger
2. Swillin' Grace
1. Malcolm In A Puddle
17. JAGermeister
16. Everybody Loves Rehab
15. N.Y.P.D. B.Y.O.B.
14. Absolut Fabulous
13. Touched By A Hangover
12. Boston Public Lewdness
11. Little "On The House" On The Prairie
10. The Bacardi Bunch
9. Whose Lime Is It Anyway?
8. S*M*A*S*H*E*D
7. Who Wants To Be A Designated Driver
6. Suddenly Boozin
5. Raymond I Love You Man
4. That 80-Proof Show
3. Johnnie Walker,Scottish Ranger
2. Swillin' Grace
1. Malcolm In A Puddle
Corruptor's Top New Music Singles To Be Listening For
1. Delorean-Stay Close
2. Evans Blue-Erase My Scars
3. Korn-Oildale
4. MIA-Born Free
5. Bo Bice-You Take Yourself With You
6. John Rich-Lend A Hand
7. Ty Herndon-Journey On
8. Daughtry-September
9. Katy Perry-California Gurls
10. Lifehouse-All In
11. One Republic-Secrets
12. Uncle Kracker-Good To Be Me
13. Train-If It's Love
14. Adam Lambert-If I Had You
15. Beyonce-Why Don't You Love Me
16. Taio Cruz-Dynamite
17. DJ Felli Fel-I Wanna Get Drunk
18. Young Dru-Superbad
19. Vampire Weekend-Giving Up The Gun
20. Tom Petty-I Should Have Known It
2. Evans Blue-Erase My Scars
3. Korn-Oildale
4. MIA-Born Free
5. Bo Bice-You Take Yourself With You
6. John Rich-Lend A Hand
7. Ty Herndon-Journey On
8. Daughtry-September
9. Katy Perry-California Gurls
10. Lifehouse-All In
11. One Republic-Secrets
12. Uncle Kracker-Good To Be Me
13. Train-If It's Love
14. Adam Lambert-If I Had You
15. Beyonce-Why Don't You Love Me
16. Taio Cruz-Dynamite
17. DJ Felli Fel-I Wanna Get Drunk
18. Young Dru-Superbad
19. Vampire Weekend-Giving Up The Gun
20. Tom Petty-I Should Have Known It
Def Leppard-Now
Should we be posting a Def Leppard video with Vivian Campbell on guitar on the day after Ronnie James Dio died? Dio in a 2007 interview blasted the former Whitesnake current Def Leppard guitarist for leaving his band years ago. Dio went as far as making fun of Def Leppard who has had more hits than Dio.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Alternation X Joke Of The Day
Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and A Chief Petty Officer were out riding in a bus coming home from scout summer camp when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of heaven where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen" said the devil "due to the fact that Heaven is now over crowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you are worthy enough to go to Heaven, if not, then you'll come with me to Hell"
The philosopher then stepped up "Okay give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates's teachings With a snap of his finger a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. Then go to Hell! With another snap of the Devil's finger, the philospher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked "Give me the most complicated crypto formula you can think of that could never be deciphered!" With the snap of his finger another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed the code was unbreakable. Then go to Hell! with another snap of the Devil's finger, the mathematician disappeared too.
The Chief Petty Officer then stepped forward and said "Bring Me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair "Drill 7 holes on the seat"
The Devil did just that. The Chief then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up he asked "Which hold did my fart come out of?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said "the third hole from the right."
"Wrong" said the chief "it came out of my asshole."
And the Chief went to heaven
"Gentlemen" said the devil "due to the fact that Heaven is now over crowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you are worthy enough to go to Heaven, if not, then you'll come with me to Hell"
The philosopher then stepped up "Okay give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates's teachings With a snap of his finger a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. Then go to Hell! With another snap of the Devil's finger, the philospher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked "Give me the most complicated crypto formula you can think of that could never be deciphered!" With the snap of his finger another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed the code was unbreakable. Then go to Hell! with another snap of the Devil's finger, the mathematician disappeared too.
The Chief Petty Officer then stepped forward and said "Bring Me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair "Drill 7 holes on the seat"
The Devil did just that. The Chief then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up he asked "Which hold did my fart come out of?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said "the third hole from the right."
"Wrong" said the chief "it came out of my asshole."
And the Chief went to heaven
Thursday, May 6, 2010
AlternationX Joke Of The Day
Alice and Frank are Bungee jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, "You know we could make a lot of omney running our own Bungee-jumping business in Mexico"
Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they need, a tower, an elastic cord, insurance etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly more and more people gather to watch them at work.
When they had finished there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.
So Alice jumps. She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time she is bruised and bleeding.
Again Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time she comes back pretty messed up, she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily Frank catches her this time and says "What happened? Was the cord too long?
Barely able to speak, Alice gasps "No the bungee cord was fine...it was the crowd...What the hell is a pinata?!?"
Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they need, a tower, an elastic cord, insurance etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly more and more people gather to watch them at work.
When they had finished there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.
So Alice jumps. She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time she is bruised and bleeding.
Again Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time she comes back pretty messed up, she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily Frank catches her this time and says "What happened? Was the cord too long?
Barely able to speak, Alice gasps "No the bungee cord was fine...it was the crowd...What the hell is a pinata?!?"
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Alternation X Joke Of The Day
A guy looking for a job finds that a certain mill is hiring lumberjacks. So he goes out to the mill and talks to the foreman who tells him all about the job, pay and housing for all the lumberjacks.
Everything looks perfect and the guy is ready to go to work at once.
But when he was walking around he noticed that there weren't any women around. So he pulls the foreman aside and asks him what everyone does for sex. The forman laughs and brings him over to this bog tree that has a hole in it "This is the fucking tree" says the foreman "whenever you get horny come over and put your dick in the hole and fuck away. Trust me it does the trick every time."
The man thinks it's kind of odd but takes the job anyway. The days go by and soon the man gets horny. He things about taking it out on the tree but it still seems weird to him, so he goes to his room and jacks off.
A week passes and the guy gets hornier and hornier and jakcing off isn't enough for him. So finally he figures "what the hell" and sneaks over to the fucking tree in the middle of the night, whips out his dick and puts it in the hole. To his surprise it feels great. Soon enough he starts to fuck the shit out of it. After a great session he goes back to bed with a big smile.
The next day after a hard day of work, he makes another visit to the three and it's even better this time. Again he pounds away at the tree, he can't believe how amazin the tree is and wonders what kind of magic tree they have. Things just couldn't get better for him.
The following day, he runs to the tree after work, hurriedly takes out his dick and puts it into the sweet warm fucking tree. The tree gets better and better everyday. He goes at it again and afterwards he can hardly walk.
The next day all he can think about is going back to the fucking tree. Every tree that he cuts down is one less tree in his way of the fucking tree. Finally the day is done and he takes off for the fucking tree. He pulls out his dick, grabs hold of his dick and shoves it in. Nothing
The man is shocked. He tries again but still nothing. Feeling very frustrated the man storms off to the foreman. "What's wrong with the fucking tree?" the guy asks. "I've been there three times already and it's been better each time, but today, I ran up to it, stuck my dick in and nothing happened. What the hell happened?"
The foreman thought for a second and then said "oh yeah, didn't they tell you? Today's your day in the tree"
Everything looks perfect and the guy is ready to go to work at once.
But when he was walking around he noticed that there weren't any women around. So he pulls the foreman aside and asks him what everyone does for sex. The forman laughs and brings him over to this bog tree that has a hole in it "This is the fucking tree" says the foreman "whenever you get horny come over and put your dick in the hole and fuck away. Trust me it does the trick every time."
The man thinks it's kind of odd but takes the job anyway. The days go by and soon the man gets horny. He things about taking it out on the tree but it still seems weird to him, so he goes to his room and jacks off.
A week passes and the guy gets hornier and hornier and jakcing off isn't enough for him. So finally he figures "what the hell" and sneaks over to the fucking tree in the middle of the night, whips out his dick and puts it in the hole. To his surprise it feels great. Soon enough he starts to fuck the shit out of it. After a great session he goes back to bed with a big smile.
The next day after a hard day of work, he makes another visit to the three and it's even better this time. Again he pounds away at the tree, he can't believe how amazin the tree is and wonders what kind of magic tree they have. Things just couldn't get better for him.
The following day, he runs to the tree after work, hurriedly takes out his dick and puts it into the sweet warm fucking tree. The tree gets better and better everyday. He goes at it again and afterwards he can hardly walk.
The next day all he can think about is going back to the fucking tree. Every tree that he cuts down is one less tree in his way of the fucking tree. Finally the day is done and he takes off for the fucking tree. He pulls out his dick, grabs hold of his dick and shoves it in. Nothing
The man is shocked. He tries again but still nothing. Feeling very frustrated the man storms off to the foreman. "What's wrong with the fucking tree?" the guy asks. "I've been there three times already and it's been better each time, but today, I ran up to it, stuck my dick in and nothing happened. What the hell happened?"
The foreman thought for a second and then said "oh yeah, didn't they tell you? Today's your day in the tree"
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