Government Office Rules
1) If it rings, put it on hold.
2) If it clanks, call the repairman.
3) If it whistles, ignore it.
4) If it's a friend, take a break.
5) If it's the boss, look busy.
6) If it talks, take notes.
7) If it's handwritten, type it.
8) If it's typed, copy it.
9) If it's copied, file it.
10) If it's Friday, forget it!
One day this man was jumping up and down on a
manhole cover screaming at the top of his lungs,
"Seventeen!! Seventeen!!"
Intrigued by the man's insane behavior, another
man walks over to him and asks why he is doing
that. The first man responded, "It's a blast. You
have to try it. Jump as high as you can and scream
'Seventeen!!' as loud as humanly possible. You get
such a rush. C'mon, give it a shot!" he says and
steps aside.
Reluctantly, the second man gets on the manhole
cover and barely hops and says, "Seventeen?" very
timidly.
"No, no, no! You're doing it wrong. Jump higher,
yell louder!"
So, the second man begins jumping a little higher
and speaking louder than normal. Finally he says,
"Hey, you know, I am getting a little bit of a rush.
Seventeen! Seventeen!!! SEVENTEEN!!!"
The man jumps higher and higher, screaming louder
and louder. Soon he is in such a state of euphoria
he doesn't see the first man yank the manhole cover
out from under him...
"SEVENTEEeeeeeeeeen!"
The first man stares down the manhole a couple
seconds, replaces the cover, and continues,
"Eighteen!! Eighteen!!"
A man goes golfing with his friend, Harry. He arrives home several
hours late. His wife asks, "What took you so long?" He replies, "Oh,
Ethel, it was an horrible afternoon! On the third hole, Harry had a
heart attack and died on the spot!" Ethel says, "Oh, darling! It must
have been awful for you!" The husband replies, "It was hell! Fifteen
holes of 'hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry...'"
Bill and Doug were having a drink at the bar and Bill says,
"I found my wife's G-spot".
Doug says, "Oh yeah?"
Bill replies, "Yep - my neighbor had it."
Q. Why did Lindsay Lohan give up bowling for screwing?
A. The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
