These days, safe sex isn't just a good idea, it's a matter of life and
death. Here are some valuable tips to help you "play it safe":
- Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then
buy the crack directly.
- Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of
erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.
- Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants in the clergy
from harm."
- Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get
to third base with you.
- Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed
over before use.
- When taking four cocks in the ass, make sure to have an equal amount
of cock in your mouth to reduce the risk of CHI imbalance.
- Before fellating anonymous man in back room of bar, be sure to ask,
"You don't have AIDS, do you?"
- Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray before penetrating ape.
- You CAN get it from kissing -- tear out partner's tongue before any
mouth-to-mouth contact.
- To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms.
- If you must engage in unsafe sex, take time out beforehand to hope for
the best.
